People should talk to loved ones in advance about how they want to die. Such conversations are always too early - until one day when they might be too late.
By Raymond Ng, Published The Straits Times, 29 Aug 2015
Death and dying engender complex emotions in people. To some, death is a remote event far removed from life's daily pursuits or a taboo subject to be avoided, yet, to others, there is peaceful acceptance of death as a final chapter of the natural cycle of life.
As a palliative care physician treating patients with advanced illness, I have witnessed an entire gamut of emotions and reactions to death and dying.
However, my first personal experience with death was not with my patients.
By Raymond Ng, Published The Straits Times, 29 Aug 2015
Death and dying engender complex emotions in people. To some, death is a remote event far removed from life's daily pursuits or a taboo subject to be avoided, yet, to others, there is peaceful acceptance of death as a final chapter of the natural cycle of life.
As a palliative care physician treating patients with advanced illness, I have witnessed an entire gamut of emotions and reactions to death and dying.
However, my first personal experience with death was not with my patients.
It was when my mother died when I was 18 years old. She had advanced ovarian cancer and battled the disease for five years through multiple operations and cycles of chemotherapy.
Those years were like a blur as we tried to have a normal family life, and I coped by burying myself in my studies. Though she grew cachectic and weak and was literally wasting away nearing the end, death was a taboo subject which never surfaced in our conversations. It just hit one day when I received a phone call during my basic military training at the army camp. It was only then that I knew she had died and was gone forever. My mother died without the family's presence and with a certain degree of pain in the final stage. My only goodbye was a tender kiss on her cheek as she lay lifeless on her bed.
Perhaps my parents wanted to shield us from the spectre of dying, or perhaps her doctor didnot adequately prepare us. Death and dying were issues that we did not talk about. It was not just about death and dying, there were many things I would have liked to say to or ask her, if only I knew.
After my mother's death, I entered medical school and found my way into palliative care some years after graduation. My experience with my mother was one of the reasons why I chose this speciality. Many have asked if it is a depressing practice. Personally, it has been a rewarding experience of professional and personal growth. I have been privileged to journey with many patients in their final act of life and to be let into their life stories and deepest thoughts.


