Cyber Wellness - Clueless parents could use a little more help

By Toh Yong Chuan, The Sunday Times, 1 Apr 2012

My 14-year-old son protested when I said I was writing about his spending too much time playing computer games.

'You are going to embarrass me,' he moaned. 'I play computer games during non-school days and I am not an addict.'

We came to a compromise and he agreed to let me say this: My son spends more hours playing computer games than I am comfortable with.

All right, I admit it. The problem is not how long he is in front of his iMac, but what I am comfortable with.

My discomfort stems from a study on the effect of computer games on Singapore children published by an American Psychological Association journal in February.

After studying 3,000 students between eight and 17 years old over a three-year period, researchers from the Institute of Mental Health, National Institute of Education and Iowa State University in the United States said the longer impulsive teenagers with attention deficit disorder spend playing video games, the worse their condition gets.

Also, those who spend time on these games may also develop impulsivity and attention difficulties.

It said nothing about how parents could get their children to cut the computer gaming hours. So I was left feeling clueless and helpless.

The survey was not the first of its kind. Last year, another published study of 3,000 Singapore primary and secondary students found that computer game addiction fuelled depression, overturning the common belief that excessive gaming is a symptom of mental health woes, not the cause.

I turned to the Internet and found at least three Singapore websites which seemed right for parents like me.

There was www.cyberwellness.org.sg - a campaign started by the Media Development Authority to help students, parents and teachers learn about cyber wellness. There is a host of useful articles on cyber bullying and gaming addiction.

Its forum section looked promising, saying: 'Have something you'd like to ask? Or are you wondering whether others have similar thoughts or questions about cyber wellness related topics? You've come to the right place!'

But I could not log in despite trying on two laptops and an iPad, using the recommended browsers.

The second website, http://www.ict.edumall.sg/cyberwellness/index.html, was an officious-looking Ministry of Education cyber wellness portal for teachers, students and 'partners', who include parents.

Disappointingly, the tips for parents were merely four points on how to be more involved in preparing children for the online world, and six safety tips.

I finally found what I was looking for at http://planetcrush.org/

It is a snazzy website by Touch Cyber Wellness, an arm of voluntary welfare organisation Touch Community Services. There are newsletters and resources, including a useful Parents' Guide To Popular Games In Singapore.

It runs a breathtaking array of programmes ranging from parents' workshops to counselling for those who need help for excessive gaming.

I called and spoke to Touch's director of youth services, Mrs Anita Low-Lim, who confirmed that I was not alone.

Last year, its cyber wellness hotline received 238 calls for help, up from 149 in 2010. Its counsellors also saw more than 100 children for excessive gaming, a fifth more than the year before.

Touch has been running cyber wellness programmes since 2001, and could do with more resources. Its team of 13 staff and counsellors attends to calls and runs programmes in schools, sometimes at up to five schools a week.

In June, it will open its second cyber wellness centre, in Hougang Secondary School, to promote responsible gaming.

While not the first school with a cyber wellness programme, it will be a centre where working parents and other adults can drop in and talk to counsellors about their children's Internet or gaming habits.

It is one way of reaching out to parents, which Touch wants to do more of.

This brings to mind the Parents Advisory Group for the Internet (Pagi) which was prominent for some years before it fell out of sight.

The volunteer group was formed in 1999 to help parents guide their children in using the Internet. It was an outspoken outfit headed by dynamic educator Carmee Lim.

It advocated helping non-English-speaking parents learn about the Internet, and called for content rating and website labelling.

It was disbanded in 2006 and made part of what eventually has become the Internet and Media Advisory Committee.

Oddly enough, just as access to computers and the dizzying range of things children can do online exploded in the last decade, the strong voice of parents appears to have disappeared.

Perhaps what we need is a new group to articulate parents' concerns about the things their children get up to online, raise the alert on issues that baffle them and support one another through this digital frontier in parenting.

For now, I am making a small start by applying what I've learnt from Touch. I am trying not to be overly worried about my son since he has already set himself a boundary of playing only on 'non-school days'.

And I think I may be one step ahead of him, since I now know the danger signs of excessive gaming - tiredness, irritability and a general lack of interest in things, among other things.

I'll know when to get him away from his computer, even if he does not know it himself.

These are all baby steps, but it is better than being clueless.